It's been quite the unpredictable last couple of weeks for me (Jess). I've been quiet on social media and quiet in my personal life. Last week, Isaac (husband) and I were busy with committments every day of the week - Monday-Saturday - with almost no time to just rest. All the while, our landlords were installing new floors throughout our house, which is wonderful and so gracious of them, but coming home to a house totally undone is also my worst nightmare.
Being exhausted is really an understatement - and there are way too many ways to be exhausted. Mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually. Yup. That was me. Sometimes it's hard for me to put into words what I'm feeling or put into words how my feelings make me feel. So sometimes I will just drop off the face of social media for a month or so - because I just don't know what to say. Lauren calls me an emotional poster. Which is very true. I typically post on social media when I am happy or exciting things are happening. But when it gets hard - I get pretty quiet. Not because I don't want to be "genuine" or "real" - because I actually very much do want that - I just am processing all that the Lord is teaching me. It's funny to me that we started this thing and called it The Refinery Co. because there has been some serious refinement in my life.
I was brought back to the story in Jeremiah 18 about how we are merely clay and God is the potter. In the story, Jeremiah says, "Whenever the pot the potter was working on turned out badly, as sometimes happens when you are working with clay, the potter would simply start over and use the same clay to make another pot." That is how the Lord is with us. He is molding, shaping, changing, refining. Except most of the time we feel all the pokes, pushes, and feel Him peel off wasted material. Shaping someone isn't probably easy either though, right?
That's kind of what I've been learning. Aside from feeling tired and worn down from the Lord molding me into the person He wants me to be - shouldn't we also consider how He feels? Shouldn't it be frustrating to see how we refuse to stand up straight, or have smooth sides, or how we dry up? He is constantly, and I mean CONSTANTLY, shaping us. The kiln never stops turning. That is our life. I want to be a bowl. He wants me to be a vase.
So, what do we do? Honestly I am still learning. It's one thing to say the Lord goes before us, and another to truly believe that with all our being. In the midst of the change, the disappointment, the loneliness in it all, we MUST remember that He is before us.... He sees it all. He isn't surprised or afraid of what happens. His feelings for us aren't conditional or wavering. His plans are good. Even when it's foggy and we only have half the puzzle piece. Soon enough, the Lord will reveal the reasons behind what happens in our lives. Until then, we must push on. Fight the fight. Trust with our whole hearts. He is the God of miracles.